Delusion

Oh a piece of paradise, that I love to describe when I'm having a delusional image flocking in my mind. Staying in our own piece of paradise where only just two of us living in the island. When everything seems to be no matter to us, is that really a paradise? I always wonder, would it be nice if nothing else matter to us anymore when there is only just two of us to matter. However, we're living in the world of reality where a piece of our paradise is just a delusional image that we are hoping it to become. Everything surrounding us is a piece of image that remind us that we still have things that we need to take care of. For example, we have to feed our dogs, we have to finish up our projects, we have to pay the bills and all these ended up something that we must weight upon. When there are things that we need to weight upon, we have to give up something in order to gain back something. This is a piece of advice my friend always reminded me of. Here we need to set our priority but what comes first and what comes last?

Job:
This will be my fourth week in IN2. Started to feel the pressure because I will not be consider as a new comer where "I DO NOT KNOW" do not applies to any task given to me anymore. Even though most of the jobs are still new to me especially doing the website banner. I can't complaint much because this is definitely a new jobs that they just applied to their company, and most of the requirements have to be amended all the time to make sure it goes smoothly. I've accepted the job, and I believed this is what I have to overcome. The only thing is I have to set the priority upon the job given to me to make sure what deliver first and what can be done later on.

Love:
Starting of a relationship is always the sweetest moment where both parties can not live without each other. I am not being stereotyping here, but the moment of truth in the end will eventually become the ugly side of a relationship. However, now with Mr.S, well yes no more Mr.A, I know! I know!~ we have our own sweetest moment and I hope that it will last a moment there. With Mr.S is something that I never experiences before. He is a charmer and he is definitely a pure gentleman that I believe most do not conduct it anymore. In this 21st century, everyone is tight up upon the idea of fast and convenient. Therefore, a relationship also applies in that way that most couples like to have something quick to get in everything. Like for example, quick to get into a relationship, quick to get laid and quick to jump into the conclusion that they are in a long term relationship. Where are those slow pace relationship where there is still courtship, romance and understand each other. Being with Mr.S is like a relationship living in the island on a stream. We kisses everywhere and PDA in the public like we do not care who is in front of us anymore. Sometime we even think that we are living in our own delusion of paradise that we thought it is no longer in reality. In my mind set, this will one day be weight upon by our career, our family and our time. Sometime, the question of, "Is it worth it to do so by giving up upon something so delusional with our priority?". Living in this world will set us free upon the life of reality, that's for me, it is something that I would love to trade off. I am a dreamer and I always set my mind off into the creativity of story line to encrypted into the story of my life. I hope that my love life story will become a legend of its own that most people like to read upon and admired upon. But when it comes to priority, I will weight the urgency that depends on the situation given on my hand at that particular moment. When I think it is worthwhile of doing it so, I will take the opportunity no matter how the risk of priority of others may rest upon me. Sound like I'm being silly, but the other set of priority will be freed on the other day with another opportunity.

Life:
My life is like being separated into two part. A "Day time" me and a "Night time" me. Day time as in focusing on my career and try to get things done as soon as possible so that I have time left during the night for my relationship. To give up a few hours of beauty sleep just to gain the experienced of a piece of happiness that only lasted for five minutes is always the best thing that I ever done. I prioritize my life by living to the fullest and appreciate all the moment that was given upon to me.

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Definition

Everything and everyone is defined into different definitions. For example, I defined myself as a Casanova that only serve the purpose to serve and to give. Some might see it as a SLUT or a TRAMP. But to me, giving in that purposes does not mean it has no meaning of love contain inside. No matter in what position you are in, the intention of being in love or out of love, the essence of love still present. My Casanova version is a character that gives with the compassion of security and trust but does not make promises. This is a tricky one. I kept myself in love by giving the opponent the varieties of most human crave for, the compassion of keeping each other. In another term to define this is that all human being have the selfishness characteristic that hide beneath themselves. I always defined the world as a stage. It is a place that I have to act upon it and finish up with a bow that might not get the audience applause. I left the backstage and head on for another show to perform. This is how I categorized myself, or shall I say defining myself. In this world, there are different varieties of Casanova that perform in different type of stages. Some, keep promises to gain the feed of love but do not intend to stay in love. Some, make themselves as an item of love that need to be in possession of. Some, just lost in love, that always crave for something more from their love one. However what we define ourselves, come from our own definition to be oneself. Since there are so many varieties of Casanova, what will happen when both of "THE" Casanova fall in love with each other?

Job:
My workload had been lessen, thanks to my boss who is understanding. He decided to take the initiative to filter all my work given by the other department by reporting to him before passing on any jobs that might or might not be relevant to my scope of field. This is the most delighted news that I had received since all incidents that jumbled up together and bombarded onto my face. It will be even nicer if the proposal of hiring an intern to help me will be granted.

Love:
This topic today set me in the mood to be in neutral. I am neither in love nor out of love. But what I can define from this is to give and take. We gain something from every relationship and we eventually evolved from the lessons that we had learned. Some might still be in the circle of running out within the box that constrained them from learning. Frankly speaking, I am one of those that some lesson I still have not learn in upon. There are still so many more that I need to learn and I hope I will not be turning around the bush.

Life:
These few days my life has been very exhausting. The reason is not just because of the late night working overdue, but also the late night session of mediation in some certain area to get my mind out from all those misery. I am glad at one point because I felt very productive towards my life and not wasting any minutes and second. One of my dear friend once said, if you spend most of your time now, in the end you will have all the time that you want. This is how he define his life upon the time. As for me, life is something to be endured with unpredictable possibilities. Therefore, I always position myself in a spontaneous personalities and do my very best in every way I can.

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Trade off

Being in love is a bitter sweet surrender. I am near but yet so far from all the vanity of love. I thought everything suppose to be just the moment that pause in our life to enjoy. Alas, time will never stop at the peak point where you expected the most. Everything has a "trade-off", a term of someone once said to me. I totally agreed upon the definition of declaration of love that we need to trade off for something. I am not a perfect lady, I am not someone that are so special that gets all the luxury of love from anyone. When a betrayal had been breach upon the commitment that we had promised, everything just went tumbling off. Since when, the word "I LOVE YOU" become something that need to be a promises?

Job
This will be my fourth week. I can hear cash flipping around the corner. That's right, pay check day soon. But this is not the end of the point. The workload suddenly becoming more and more challenging and life seems to be so hectic and unpredictable. As a designer, we are a solver. We need to find the solution to deal with whatever is beyond our border. This is what I have been doing so far though this week, it seems to be very unproductive. I need to regroup myself into who I use to be and become stronger at one point to with stand all the obstacle. This is the trade off when it comes to work. TIME, YOUTH & RELATIONSHIP. I've included three of these even though all related back with time. YOUTH- facing the computer almost everyday is not a very good idea as well as the position while I am doing my work. All wrong! TIME- well duh, time itself is money, youth, pleasure and many more that you need to give up for. RELATIONSHIP- juggling with hectic life, since when we have the time to have a good time spending together?

Love
What we trade off for LOVE? MONEY, TIME, YOUTH, TRUST and our own PLEASURE. Being in love is fine as long as each companion scarifies something for the love one. Money to me is the biggest issue. A piece of advice, always pay equal share. Money to some might seems like very materialistic point of view where it should be separated from love. But to me, financially, we both have to share equally, in term of food, traveling and etc. Time, once again, you need to give up some of your time to make everything works well. It is not to say that one have to give up part of their life till that drastic, but just a simple 30mins will be good enough to let the others know how much it meant to him/her. Youth, is an issue especially for the woman like me. I'm heading to my 30s soon and the stereotyping idea of the general population love to criticize women who aren't married by that age and starting to JUDGE. Yes, I put it in upper caps to emphasize the urge of some women when it comes to that age will start to pressure their loves one to get married. To me, this is all a piece of crap. Would I marry just because I know I'm 30s and haven't found my soul mate yet? Do not jump into that situation just because everyone said it so. I do not believe in marriage at one point. But at a very minor of myself, I love to tell myself that I want a family to be raised and have a grand wedding to be proud of. After all, I'm still a woman that once a while become a girl who loves to day dream of fantasy.

Life
My life started to become more complicated. Why I'm saying so is because, I have too many thing to juggle at a same time. Love in particular. My separated life have becoming a burden that sometimes I felt like giving up the other side just to lessen the heavy load. This is the beauty of life, another term that once said by one of my closest friend. The varieties of it makes our life so complete. Without the other side, will actually tumble ourselves into a very monotonous life. However, isn't this what I said before a simple life? Which one is more desirable? Trade off again. We need to give up sometime at one point. But when will that be the final call? Time will prove everything.

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Memories

Memories are a part of us that remind us what we had done and experienced. I did had very unpleasant memories and wishing sometimes those memories can be erased. Yet, there are still some part of my memories that I would love to experience it again. Memories are a very funny thing, though it is just a vision that reminded us of what we had done, but some part of the emotional value still contained inside like a package that comes along hand in hand. Will our live be better with or without memories when it comes to something that is so unpleasant with emotional value intact? Will it be better off to make it as a lesson or better off without it at all by completely erasing it? To me, this is a difficult answer to implement it into different situation. For example, having your heart broken by somebody who isn't worth your time at all, will instead sometime reminded you of how sweet the time we had been together. So, in the end will it be better off in either way at all?

Job:
Third week in my job and I think I've started to feel fitting in. Maybe this might sound too early to predict, still I must say I just enjoy what I am doing now to remain it as a part of my good memory. Currently most of my jobs are to create a design layout for websites and doing lots of EDM. EDM the real term I've already forgotten, but it is a format where they send advertisement to peoples' email. Other than email, I've help to make correction from the previous banner and mostly our clients are from intel. Still doing some small potatoes work and I hope that I got the chance to meet some client one day to explore more in the servicing department.

Love:
With Mr.A, my life had completely change. Change for better or for worse, I have no prediction at all. But what I know is that I cherished every moment we spend together and make our own book of memories in our life. Now I felt like so securely protected by Mr.A muscular form but yet in some point I felt like a nanny or motherly figure that I must love and protect Mr.A from any harm. Though here it sounds complicated, but to me, having a love life with Mr.A is just like the song, 1234-I love you, by plain white-T, so simple and living in the world of the present. Is that what we call, "simplicity is always the best policy" when it comes to LOVE?

Life:
Nothing to expect and nothing to anticipate. My life just riding along where the wind takes me to. Some may think I am just drifting without any direction, but to me, life is not so complicated if you keep yourself to the minimal of simplicity. I love my life now, where I have lots of friends that care for me, a love one who always stand by me and family that always be there for me whenever I am down and in need. So what more can I ask for?

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The days of my life....

Yeah yeah. I know. This is somehow something new for me to post something personal about myself in the blog. But somewhere somehow I felt like posting something about myself here. Just started my new job, my new love and my new life.

Job:
Working in In2 company now in Mont Kiara. Love the area though it is a little expensive when it comes to food and expenses. Have been working for 2 weeks and these 2 weeks were really hectic and tiring. Well, that is what we call work. Or maybe I was in holiday mood for too long that everything I had now seems to be under productive. No matter what I will try my very best to deliver what I can.

Love:
Broke up with my ex which we had been dated for 5 years. A 5 years relationship just dropped off by just like that. Is my decision anyway, seems to enjoy single life for a moment till I met Mr.A. He is sweet and young. Since when a relationship become an issue when your partner is younger than you like 5 yrs?

When age become a topic in relationship, maturity is the jargon of the question here. I may look older, but Mr.A seems to be more mature than I am. It is funny to think it back all of a sudden when I told him that he is so young that he wouldn't understand the meaning of love. But in fact, it is me who don't really understand. When a person started to tell me that he loves me, my first reaction is become proud and with some sense of ego and pride that I told myself that he ain't worth it for me. But when he is not around me and somehow I felt like he isn't as into me as usual, I lost all my ego and pride that I became obsess in a moment to jump into his arm openly. Is this what we call LOVE?

Life:
Riding along what is given to me now. A new love and a new job. Taking some time off by relaxing in my usual spot in Starbuck. Making myself less available and keeping sometime to my own self to rejuvenate what had been lost and found. Regroup myself in a sense of keeping track into what I am and who I had become.

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