Loving you each and everyday

Loving you each and every years,
Bringing me joy with tears.
Never will I experiences with fears,
Because I know you always be there.

Loving you each and every months,
Filling my life with colourful paths.
Being with you surprises my life,
That I will always be grateful all the time.

Loving you each and every weeks,
Making my life at the highest peak.
Embracing life with you makes my heartbeat quick,
Even till today, seeing you makes my legs weak.

Loving you each and every days,
No matter where it will leads its way.
As long as you stay with me each days,
I will be glad to live this way.

Loving you each and every hours,
Fill it with lots of love powers.
Though it might be hard and sour,
Doing it so makes me honor.

Loving you each and every minutes,
Never fail to perform with spirits.
Feeling my heartbeats drums like trumpets,
Which you fill my life with song to sing it.

Loving you each and every seconds,
With a hints of spice in my living.
Missing you is part of my routines,
That it became part of my living.

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~♡Our Song♡~

愛你 不是因為你的美而已
我越來越愛你 每個眼神觸動我的心
因為你讓我看見 Forever，才了解自己
未來這些日子 要好好珍惜
愛我 有些痛楚 有些不公平
如果真的愛我 不是理所當然的決定
感到妳的呼吸在我耳邊 像微風神奇
溫柔的安撫 我的不安定
所以我~要 每天研究你的笑容 ooh 多麼自然

Forever ♡ Forever ♡ 我只想用我這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 你會是所有 幸福的理由

愛情是場最美最遠的旅行
沿途雨季泥濘 偶爾阻礙我們的前進
感到妳的體溫在我懷裡 像陽光和煦
巧妙的融化 我的不安定
不可思議 證明我愛你的理由 ooh 多麼自然

Forever ♡ Forever ♡ 我只想我用這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 妳會是所有 幸福的理由

妳感動的眼睛 我沉默的聲音
彷彿就是最好的證明
就讓我在說一次 I ♡ you oh (直到永遠)

Forever ♡ Forever ♡ 我只想我用這一輩子去愛你
從今以後 妳會是所有 幸福的理由

Forever ♡ Forever ♡ Forever ♡




I ♡ You sweetheart. I really do.

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~Food of the day~

Food is one of my passion and making them is definitely a part of my joy. Here are some of the dishes that I've made.


Cheesecake specially made for my sweetheart. I named it Cheesoo.

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Nostalgia

Somehow I started to recall back lots of my memories with my dear sweetheart before and after a phone conversation with him just now. I am a person who is easily forget things even to the things that I've just done an hour ago (sometimes*). So I kept all the sms, email and the facebook private messages to remind me that how lucky I am and how much that I love my sweetheart.

The very first facebook private message that I received from my sweetheart:
Title: Hey artist
SB Ken, April 24 at 2:22am
I almost couldn't recognize you=) How's life? And I never knew your surname is Sen.

The very first reply to my sweetheart on facebook private message:
Title: Hey artist
Sharon Sen, April 24 at 3:40pm
Oh my god. You didnt know since we were in SSI...that's sad as for me....I'm fine and jobless...so very free now...sigh*.....looking for jobs...any recommendation...hahaha...

We have accumulate to 101 messages in this title named "Hey artist". There are more to go on another new chapter in a new title. However, other messages will be confidential due to some privacy of both parties.

The very first sms that my sweetheart send to me:
Jun 19, 2009 8:55 PM
At least I sms-ed u b4 meeting u(not only with all those letters)
(This was the most anticipating day that I encountered. Not because that I finally be able to meet my sweetheart, but it was also a combination of feeling nervous and anxiety, worry that something might turned out wrong).

The very first reply to my sweetheart in phone messaging:
Jun 19, 2009 9:34 PM
Sorry...traffic very very bad.......i'm at the pudu area...
(Feeling somehow guilty after reading this sms again because I left my sweetheart waiting).

The one that I love to recall back:
Jun 22, 2009 5:47 PM
Dear,i never run away,u should know. I'll b here,be it sms,a call,fb,u know every mean to reach me,even all these stuff die,u know where can find me. I really thought we were nearer until u told otherwise. I can't control the others n the young boy,but myself,i promise,i'm here always,for u:-)

I miss you sweetheart, I hope that what we have so far will last forever.

With my sweetheart now for 19 weeks.

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Bad day?

Today it was rather a bad day for me. Everything seems to stop evolving around me and I lost touch in almost everything. I've lost my energy to do anything, all I want to do is to sleep and let the day just pass on by me. However, this is not the way it should be. I know somehow this will lead me to a very unproductive and a waste of my day. But yet, no matter how hard I try, the energy of mine still not coming back. I just feel like a lazy Sunday doing nothing, thinking of nothing, not eating, and let the day just pass on by me. Is this really wrong?

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100 days, Monday 28th Sept 2009

On Monday 28th Sept 2009 was our 100th day as a couple. Time passes so fast, that every single time we spend together seems like always not enough. The number 100 is a very special number to me. We have our facebook private message set to 100 messages and start a new title on 101th message. In fact it was my sweetheart's idea and he is a person who is very details in most particular stuffs. This is why I love him so much, because he always seems to remember little things that most people will be unaware.




Kisses and Hugs.

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Waiting

Time passes so fast when I had so much to do while still waiting for my sweetheart to come back. But as soon as the day drew closer, time started to pass slower. Even though it did not make any sense at all, because time does not constantly change it rates of speed. Missing my sweetheart for a week is definitely something unbearable because even just a day, I felt like I have just lost an arm. How can I ever overcome the missing issue here?

Now: 22:45:00 Malaysian Time, SATURDAY.

Missing you in a term of hugging you.
Missing you in a term of kissing you.
Missing you in a term of caressing you.
Missing you in a term to turn you on.
Missing you in a term of your broad smiley face.
Missing you in a term of being a little girl trying to get your attention.
Missing you in a term of you pampering me with all your sensitive and romantic words.
Missing you in every terms that I crave the most now, JUST YOU.

My sweetheart, I'm being a good little girl now waiting for you to wrap me around your arms once again.

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How Sweet It Is (To Be Loved By You)

How sweet it is to be loved by you
How sweet it is to be loved by you

I needed the shelter of someone's arms and there you were
I needed someone to understand my ups and downs
and there you were
With sweet love and devotion
deeply touching my emotion
I want to stop and thank you baby
I just want to stop and thank you baby

How sweet it is to be loved by you
How sweet it is to be loved by you

I close my eyes at night,
wondering where would I be without you in my life
Everything I did was just a bore,
everywhere I went it seems I'd been there before
But you brightened up for me all of my days
With a love so sweet in so many ways
I want to stop and thank you baby
I want to stop and thank you baby

How sweet it is to be loved by you
How sweet it is to be loved by you

You were better to me than I've been to myself
For me, there's you and there ain't nobody else
I want to stop and thank you baby
I just want to stop and thank you baby

How sweet it is to be loved by you
How sweet it is to be loved by you

*Please mute the sound from uniqlo which is located on the right side of this blog before playing this music down below

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Little Things That I Treasured The Most

Being with Mr.S is something that will always be in my heart. Here are some little things that I shared with Mr.S which I treasured the most.

Little Thing Lists:

1. I love it when you smile. If one day we lost one another, the first thing that flashes in my mind is your beautiful smile.



2. I love it when you hold my hand each time wherever we are. I felt so secure and never worry because I know you will always be there to catch me whenever I fall.



3. I love it when you give me a rush and sudden passionate kiss. I still remember the first time I got such a kiss was when we were heading home from Bangsar and we both drove all the way along each other till you could not help it anymore but to call me and stop at the side of the road. You gave me a very passionate kiss as soon as I opened my car door. Never will I ever forget this no matter what the fade will bring me to.



4. I love it when you confessed your feeling and sentimental values to me. You shared and have no worries of expressing yourself like a true poet.



5. I love it when you tease me. Though to others, teasing might sounds like an offending action, but to me, you always know when and how to do the teasing. Never will you go overboard of your teasing.
   



6. I love it when you told me "I am the only one" followed by a sentence that brings out the meaning of "liking me a lot". I know the word "LOVE" is something that you will never express till you know the right moment to come or perhaps it is something that you will never say but only to show through the expression of our action itself.
   



7. I love it when you said that you miss me a lot even though we are just beside each other.



8. I love it when you snores to indicate how tired you are after we shared our precious moment together.
   



9. I love it when you caressing me and never is all about just sex.
   



10. I love it when you shares everything with me, from the most private conversation such as making love to direct confrontation with the most gentle direction that you can possible come out with.



11. I love it when you pay attention to every details in our conversation, in our daily routine of spending time and almost everything that related to me. Never will you forgot what I've said. *Though sometimes I myself did not even realized that I even mentioned it.



12. I love it that you never fail to give me a hug whenever I need it. No matter how tired or busy you are, you always give me a hug whenever I requested it or when I head to the lowest point of my mood.
    



13. I love it when we just know each others' next step even though we did not hint it out. Such a coincidence to you might sound like the possibilities that you might stats it out, but to me, it is something of a mutual understanding to the degree of what we so called as "soul mate".



14. I love it when you suddenly sing a song to me. This is truly something new, because never will a guy ever expressed through serenading with a song even in public places to me. I will never forget that you sing the most beautiful song under the moon in Melacca Jonker Street stage. *Tian Mi Mi - Teressa Ting.



15. I love it that you always clarify what you said and tried your best of sending the right message and never give a room for misunderstanding or miscommunication. For me, clarification is the hardest and I always deliver it in a mess. However, you always understood what I've explained, even though some make no sense at all.
    

Never that I experienced such feeling with any one before. You are the only one that truly appreciate who I am, my passionate feeling and never fails to tell me or show me your gratitude. These are the 15 lists that I can come out for now so far. But I believe there will be more to come because we have more to share.

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Something to remember

Today on the 15th Sept 2009 that falls on Tuesday, around the time from 12 midnight to 1 am, I had an experienced that was so unforgettable. A feeling of a mutual understanding with cliche feeling of soul mate, I've finally realized that how much I and Mr.S had shared.

"Little experience"
I've placed my mobile phone with Mr.S and on my way back home, I suddenly realized that I had forgotten to take it back from him. Somehow while I drove back to look for him again, never will I figure how to get it back nor will I know what to do next. As soon as I got down from my car, I went straight to his office, but to my surprise, he was on his way coming out with my mobile on his hand about to pass it to me. This is truly a work of a coincidence with the mutual understanding that we had already bond.

To my dear S, if you are reading this now, I am truly blessed because I finally found a soul mate that I can spend for the rest of my life.

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Complimeting

When you are in love, or have the mere idea of being in love, this complimenting and compensating term will never leave on either each side. Not just the complication of the love relationship but also based on the communication between yourself and your colleagues/family/friends. I am a person who loves to be complimented as well as complimenting back. On the same time I am a person who loves to compensate and to sacrifice to give the best outcome for everyone to enjoy. To what extent that either parties has to know their limits of complimenting and compensating?

Job:
Learning a lot of communication and PR skills from my colleagues in IN2. At one point I know I might not behave very professional in dealing with colleagues requirement jobs, but I can say I've tried my best and the connectivity vibes between each other must be collateral. Therefore, I've learned that communication and PR skills development is an essential part for me to move on to a higher steps ground to achieve my goal. The complimenting and compensating part play an important role here to achieve this requirement of "communication" vibes. In order to gain something we need to sacrifice something. Trade off.

Love:
When you are in a relationship, how far will you let go of yourself. For me, I am a person who love to give. Letting go yourself does not mean that you are no longer being yourself but it is a term that describe the trading off. Me and my Mr.S though I am more on the hippie natural down to earth character while Mr.S is more on the scientific factual character, we both have this policies of complimenting and compensating each other. To some degree that Mr.S thought that I am too submissive to the idea of complimenting and pleasing everyone, and thanks to him that I can have some limitation. He is like a rule book that help me to keep myself balance while I am like lose canon that help him to let lose. To both of us, we are like yin and yang, black and white, that we need each other to keep ourselves moving on.

Life:
To my life, here I would like to shout out loud that I am very grateful of what I have and where I am now. I couldn't ask for more.

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In love

This term is so new to me. I never felt this feeling before, though it may sound very cliche to others but to me, this is totally something that is so extraordinary. I always in search for my soul mate, someone who I can share and understand what I felt within. I went out with a couple of dates before, and I always ended up the relationship because I felt that we wasn't meant to be. In a relationship there are always some challenges that we need to go through and some obstacle that we need to solve. And to what degree that a relationship can be so called in love?

Job:
I started to meet and getting close with some of my colleagues. They are sure is a fun group to hang out with. First of all,let me introduced my colleagues:

Ah Hon: (sorry I forgot your full name), he is the surfer boy who loves the beach just like me.

Allen: the birthday boy, I wish you again HAPPY BIRTHDAY and MAY ALL YOUR WISHES COME TRUE. He is big but he has a bigger heart.

Choon Ming: the Malaysian guy who works in Singapore now. He is a very funny guy and we've been through the hardship together in one of his project.

Ethan: our senior guy whom his look does not match his age. :P

Faiz: our senior guy who always very slow in his responses and same as me, he will just laugh at everything and lighten up the stress environment.

Harry: his laugh can be contagious and he is a very straight forward guy who just say whatever he felt like saying it.

Justin: the know everything guy. He always helps me when it comes to IT problems.

Marcus: the guy who loves Shiraz's boy Omar and Hamza so much. Even copyright their photos and put it as his phone wallpaper.

Mun Wai: our senior who always help me in everything when it comes to work requirement.

Poon: my boss and ya he is my boss.

Shinaz: she is the sporty gal and very outgoing gal. She's fast in her pace, a total opposite of Faiz.

Shiraz: he is my fave because of his spontaneity and he we share the same value in lifestyle.

Wilson: he is really funny and always send me those cute emoticons through msn.

Yee Tee: he is the quiet one and shy. But love to tease me to speak more in Mandarin.

I love you guys so much, I hope that I get to stay after the probation ended which is very soon.


Love:
I love to write this part of the blog. Even though I am not an expert in telling a relationship, but I love to express what I feel. My sweetheart Mr.S and me, we confessed and declared our love through fb message and my blog. Well, you might say this is the 21st century declaration of love and confession. It somehow make it more convenient and fast to pass on the message of what we felt. Imagine if it took like a week to send out what we wanted to say, will it be too late? The idea of writing and anticipation is something good which it tests our ability in patience but for me, sometimes a message that had passed on to the opponent might be too late that some damage cannot be undone. Writing to each other had became our routine. How it started was we met in facebook once again after a long lost connection back in high school. We started with a few sentences and ended up with a long and meaningful message. Imagine, we already had a 101 messages in just one subject which started with an introduction. What I can say here is that, Mr.S really complete my life and to him only that I will say this that I am really in love. To what degree of the love can be, I do not know. But for sure, it is something that I cannot imagine and goes beyond what I am capable of.

Life:
My life is so complete that I felt like I do not dare to ask for more in return. I just appreciate of what I have now and I hope it will sustain till the very end of my life. In love is just one part that help me to feel so complete, the others will be the appreciation of what I have now either job, family and friends. Thank you!

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Future

Things that are ahead of us are always some thing blurry and unpredictable. I am not the kind of person who plan very well and perhaps I do not know what is my future is going to be like. I live by the present and my spontaneity of my lifestyle always kicks in to fill the story of my life. Till when and where do I suppose to have a future plan for myself?

Job:
Working in In2 is something that I did not plan but seems to me that it is something that I like to be into right now. Comparing to most of my ex-classmates, a lot of them preferring to work in a smaller agency where the pressure is minimal. Though the jobs that have been given to me do not seems too exciting, but at least the environment cope pretty well for my adaptation. My colleague once asked me, what is my future plan working in In2. Frankly speaking I do not have any plans or goals working in In2 yet, but what I hope is to get to know more about the job tendency of how it works. From now on, maybe my future will be focusing on the 3 years plan of starting a own business. What will the business line be it has to depends on how deep I know from working experiences.

Love:
What can I say but only that I am truly in love. I do not know what I did to deserve this sweet surrender of relationship. Mr. S is my sweetheart that I can consider to be included into my life. My life of the future and my life of the forever. I know it may seems too early to predict, but for me to be with him is the only thing that I know very clearly. For once in my life time, I am assure of what I am into now and what I want for this relationship to go.

Another day, another week,
The absence of you makes me weak.
Patiently awaits is the virtue I gain.
For nothing is more important than to see you again.

Knowing you are busy all week,
Setting your priority that you seek.
For what I can do is to wait and see,
That all this is worth for you and me.

Glad to hear that I am part of your life,
For you to share this is a great divine.
You included me into your life of future,
For nothing is more than I assure,
than to be a part that fills in the line of your life.
Hoping that this risk you took,
Will eventually turn out to be better than it looks.
Our future might seems cloudy and unsure,
Wishing this will turn out to be ablaze.
You complete me.
My sweet surrender,
My Love.

Life:
Moving on with my life of what I currently have now is what I appreciate the most. It may seems nothing to be so great and grand, but to me it is enough to sustain my true happiness. What lies ahead of my future, will be what I had now as a seed and to nurture it into something that I wish to become. I will keep on moving on and see what this seed of mine can grow into in the future.

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Time

Spending time with Mr.S is always the best time that I ever had. For once, that I was speechless when he replied that I have been the one. However, things started to get more complicated when it comes to the choices that need to be made for the options of our future directions. Time is the only limitation that stop us from doing what we want. Choosing the direction of our future in career seems to be the most logical way to have a better outcome in the long run and as for relationship, it may hold to the ideal way that we wanted and it may not as well. When time come to be one of the issue in a relationship, what and how are we going to deal with it?

Job:
Juggling everything altogether for a person to handle is a big headache. Though this is what "work" is so called that we are the laborer to our job field requirement to fulfill what need to be done. I know I am not a good time management person, and I am trying my best to fulfill all the requirement within the time limitation. I should have to learn how to say "no" for once that I can't handle all at one time. I am a bit tired of this where some of them thought that I am lazy and slow. Doing all this at once though the due time given seems to be efficient enough to complete it, but however, things keep coming in between and all the things that come in between seems to be in the same dateline as well. So how am I going to juggle which one comes first?

Love:
For once in my life time I got to say that I had the best quality time spending with Mr.S. He is more than tolerance enough to spare his time with me even though he is one of the person in the world that have the least time to spare. I really appreciate what he had done and given to me because it is more than what he had expected to give for a person. Time may be one of our obstacle, but I will try my best to make sure we fully utilize what we had left and make our relationship the most colorful as it can be. I may not be the most romantic person, and I may not be the most ideal partner, but what I can say is, I will do my best to this relationship as much as I can. This is our song, though it may seems quite inadequate to resemble anything, but to me only this word is enough to explain all I want to say to you.

"You are Everything, and Everything is You"
by Marvin Gaye and Diana Ross

Oh darling
I want to be everything to you

Today I saw somebody
Who looked just like you
He walked like you do
I thought it was you
As he turned the corner
I called out your name
I felt so ashamed
When it wasn't you
Wasn't you

You are everything
And everything is you
Oh, you are everything
And everything is you
'Cause you are everything
And everything is you

How can I forget
When each face that I see
Brings back memories
Of being with you
I just can't go on
Living life as I do
Comparing each girl with you
Knowing they just won't do
They're not you

'Cause you are everything
And everything is you
Oh, you are everything
And everything is you
You are everything
And everything is you

Life:
Time is never enough for a person to fulfill everything that they wanted to do. That is why there is this thing call a "Wish List" and "Bucket List". It is the things that we need to do before we leave this world. I have not started anything yet because I think it is not so important anymore. The reason I am saying so is because, I enjoy every moment that is given to me and that is enough for me to fulfill my life time spending in this world. However, there is of course things that I wish to do, like becoming one of the most famous people in the world in the categories of art field, either in multimedia or even fine art. Though this is just a wish list, it may not come true unless I work for it. Effort do counts in and now I am fully utilizing the time for me to achieve my wish.

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The Little Things

Living in the big city like KL seems to have everything that we need and it is so conveniently that everything that you need just come by so easily. This is why, sometimes little things that we experiences seems to be neglected. When we know we can get one thing so easily, we keen to forget that it is somehow important as well to make the part of our life so special and complete. How and what should we consider an event to be the little thing?

Job:
Working in In2, I started to get along well with each and everyone that I possible can. It is not to say that I need the network so as to sustain myself in the company but it is importance for me to know how the company can makes me feel comfortable to stay in. Each and everyone has their own personalities, hence forth, it is importance for me to know the little things of each and everyone to make the connection a stronger bonding. I am not a very particular person to judge to make friends. I accept everyone of who they are and what they wanted to be. After all, it is their free will to act upon their own decision to be who they really want to be. I just be myself and be down to earth to accept the personalities traits of each and everyone. I appreciate things and I believe each and everyone has their own uniqueness to make themselves of who they are.

Love:
Being with Mr.S is more than meets the eyes. He is unique and he is the one and only kind that I appreciate. He is not judgmental and he always makes me feel comfortable to be around. I know I am a big spender and I am a drama queen that likes to make everything to be the center of attention. But recently, I take things a little slow and I realized that the little things that we shared is so important. For example, the little things like sitting in a park drinking beer and sharing our thoughts, eating ice-cream that can be conveniently bought in 7-eleven, scrolling around the swimming pool area, kissing and hugging, sending sms to each other in the most unexpected time and the most predictable time. All these little things make me feels so satisfied in many ways that I possibly can explain. I know in a relationship there is no such things as smooth sailing all the way. There will be more that we need to overcome, but here I would like to say that I am willing to go through all these obstacle with you, my Mr.S. I know you are a very unique person, and please bear with me that I need sometimes to understand more about you and to adapt to you. You promise to be always there and I will always count on that to keep this relationship going as smooth as possible. The little things that we shared will always be the key to sustain our relationship to have a stronger bonding.

Life:
There are so many things that we need to go through in our life and all these things will eventually determined how our life will turn out to be. Even just a simple thing like eating an ice-cream can bring satisfaction to some degree. All I can advice here is to appreciate each and everything, either good or bad, because all these experiences will eventually be carried forward along your life and our life time span is really limited. Enjoy yourself in any possible way that you can think of and do not make everything in our life too seriously. Relax and enjoy what had been given to us.

A CD cover I did for Mr.S as a gifts for him to enjoy listening while on his way back.

I always think that they both look alike. Especially the chin part.

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Complete

At what point does a woman know that she is completely fulfilled in every term? How she know that the other person is the one that can makes you complete in everything? Frankly speaking, I'm no expert to define everything in every relationship should have or shouldn't have, yes or no, true or false. Everything I did was based on feeling and women intuition. But does feeling solely itself can sustain a relationship to be completed? I always have doubt on this particular statement. A relationship cannot just based on feeling itself, but also have to face the reality of the truth from the societies. Where does all true love that happen in fairy tales or a so called romanticism era had gone to? Where and when should we draw a line in between reality and fantasy?

Job:
Working in In2 for almost 2 months now. Every truth started to come out from each and everyone. Though I might shared the same kind of understanding with some colleagues but for me, I will stay in both side. Not to say that I play nice or to stay safe, but for me, each and everyone has their own role to play in the office. This is the way to make it a complete organization to run smoothly. Imagine if everyone play the same role in the office, how can this organization sustain?

Love:
Staying in a relationship with Mr.S is something that makes me feel complete. Why am I saying so is because we both share the same ideal of romance. I am a dreamer and I love to fantasize my romance to feel like we are in a fairy tale island. He compensates my dreams and he plays his part of role to make the story complete. He is my prince charming. I know this sounds like an impossible love story. But to me, this is just the beginning of something that I wanted to explore more and make it a complete chapters of our own stories. The ending has yet to come for each story, but what I am hoping is that our love story will come to the never ending part that will continues infinitely. I know I might be too idealistic, but in this world, nothing is impossible. If it really wants to come to an end, I hope I will close it beautifully that everyone can inspired by. I do not know the future, I do not know what and how this story of us will go, but all I know now that I appreciate every moment that I can cherished even though it might just be a one short sentence of sms. Here I would like to take this opportunity to say thank you again, because you complete my other half that I thought I had lost.

Life:
Getting deeper into a relationship is suppose to be getting along well and going smoothly. Yet, some still feel the burden of pain and happiness on the same time which is nothing to be called smoothly in a relationship. This is the beauty of life, imagine the relationship only heading to one direction and never change to the peak of happiness or the bottom of sadness, the relationship is in monotonous, what is the point of it then? If you never tasted agony or sadness, how would you know there will be happiness. Monotonous relationship will be a shallow relationship that have little depth of understanding. Well, of course I do not wish to have a very drastic change of peak and bottom, which I already experienced in this relationship within just three weeks. Just because I had experienced it, I realized more that each and everyday I had spend with Mr.S is something that I have to cherish and let the spontaneity of life takes its role to help me complete each day of chapters in my stories.

(In my fav spot, STARBUCK in SS2 thinking of someone special.)

(Time spend while Mr.S not around, TGIF in Pavillion with my fav cousin and my beautiful niece.)

(A wood media with charcoal, graphite and color pencil drawing.)

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Women

An archetype saying of a woman is that they are complicated and sophisticated. I have to agree upon that statement. Why am I saying so is because, from all the conversations with one of my closest friend,(aka my cousin) I have a slight understanding about woman more. Though I am one of them, but I never realized the truth when I discovered myself because I will always have a biased side upon myself. The more I explore on this particular topic, I realized that women always tend to think of a more complicated version on the outcome. This outcome normally is based on their emotion at that particular moment. For example, while I am in a happy mood, no matter what happen everything will be in a better form. But if I am in bad mood, everything will be like the end of the world. Is woman intuition always correct?

Job:
My work finally had become a less demanding workload. I am currently happy of where I am now, but not sure where the future outcome will bring me to. Everyone in the company seems to be very nice and I even went out jamming with them during weekend. But I'm not sure whether everyone appreciate what I am doing now. Some colleague might think I am a flirty and some may think that I am too loud and making commotion. No matter what, I am who I am and I will not let my women intuition of guessing game interrupting me.

Love:
This week is definitely a bitter sweet week. I had the best time with Mr.S on Friday and the worst time with Mr.S on Saturday. Friday we went out to the most perfect dinner and glad that he still appreciate the meaty session even though normally at that hours he only eat vegetables. We had the moment of sharing and lust of love after we both had something to drink. Well, as what he likes to put it as Satan's gift. The moment to me definitely will be unforgettable. We even almost hit another car (just between me and you at this point -.< *wink). However, just within the 24 hours the feeling of ups and downs can be so dramatic. Saturday is my convocation and I do enjoyed every moment shared with my friends and family. But during the night time, we had a slight misunderstanding. Mr.S forgot to bring down his mobile phone and he did not pick up my phone calls after the hour where we supposed to meet. I know I am in the wrong here of judging Mr.S that he might be doing something that is unfaithful, please accept my apologizes in that. I really do not want it to happen in that way. But the thing that I am not sorry to confront is the matter of another promises that you made with another girl. If you are reading this, I still do not understand why this question of "sleeping with other women" comes from? I still do not understand why this question pops up suddenly? I still do not understand why there is this question coming in between our conversation? When and how it happens? Though we had an agreement of making it works, but you still said that I am childish. This is not a small matter, even to the AMERICAN culture of a so-called more open minded. To you it seems irrational , but please do put it in another way if you are me. I am a human being after all that my feeling do count. Yes, I do believe that it will not happen, and I do believe that when you said that it is just sleeping and do nothing, but I do not believe that you still have the BRUTALLY HONESTY that you do not count in my feeling. I do hope that there aren't anymore stupid promises that you had made with other girls and I do hope that there aren't anymore promises that you are going to make that literally might hurt me in anyway. You went out with another woman for a drink I really do not mind and I had told you so many times that it is nothing to do with the drinking session. It is the "sleeping" issue that I am concern. Somehow I think that you breach the idea of my security upon you. Please do tell me, if I said now that I need to withdrawn some of my trust in you is it a fair count? I really like you and I said I will do anything to keep this the best that we can have. I am willing to say something that I might not agreed upon which is that I am willing to forget all and to remain of what we had before. To some, I might be the stupidest and silliest woman that agreed upon this statement and forget about it. After all, I said I really like you and I do. So, I am willing to do anything to make the best for both of us. I know there will be more to come that might upset me or you, but as I said before, please do not give up till we both think that we have no more energy left to sustain the relationship. It has only been 3 weeks, and so far we had the best and the worst at this point. I know there will be more to come and I am willing to stay on as long as you stand by me. My woman intuition here helps me to stay silly at one point and it helps me to strong in another way. I told you, I am strong, I am invisible and I am WOMAN, sophisticated and complicated woman.

Life: Being a woman is really hard, but yet I still love being a woman. Not because they have the advantages in many ways that some might said, but it is the sophistication and complication that makes it a mystery to us. Woman can be so strong at one point that even the strongest man cannot defeat upon by their power and might. Like Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, Marie Antoinette, Georgiana Cavendish, Marilyn Monroe and Jane Austin. Their emotional are so colorful but yet their will power are even stronger to suppressed their desire. Admirable and legendary. But bear in mind that they are still woman after all, that they are fragile and easily break.

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~MISSING~

Day by day and Night by night,
I miss you so much I loose my sight.

Stars above never leave the sky,
Just like my heart never leave your side,
For my day and night seems so long,
That I wish I am by your side.

How I wish that I am there with you,
to experience the moment all night through.

I MISS my dear Soo,
Whose name always in my mind,
For only my dear Soo,
Whose name be all mine.

Missing you became part of me,
Missing you is all I need,
I never know that missing someone,
Is a happiness that I need.
You are my dear Soo,
You are my one and only,
For as long as I live,
I will be missing you only.

As I wait for you patiently,
While you are above the highest peak,
Down below you see in me,
Will be waiting for you to come back to me.
Life is hard, without you around,
As the day and night seems so long.
Adieu, Adieu,
Is what I said before you go,
Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.
Good night. Good night.

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Delusion

Oh a piece of paradise, that I love to describe when I'm having a delusional image flocking in my mind. Staying in our own piece of paradise where only just two of us living in the island. When everything seems to be no matter to us, is that really a paradise? I always wonder, would it be nice if nothing else matter to us anymore when there is only just two of us to matter. However, we're living in the world of reality where a piece of our paradise is just a delusional image that we are hoping it to become. Everything surrounding us is a piece of image that remind us that we still have things that we need to take care of. For example, we have to feed our dogs, we have to finish up our projects, we have to pay the bills and all these ended up something that we must weight upon. When there are things that we need to weight upon, we have to give up something in order to gain back something. This is a piece of advice my friend always reminded me of. Here we need to set our priority but what comes first and what comes last?

Job:
This will be my fourth week in IN2. Started to feel the pressure because I will not be consider as a new comer where "I DO NOT KNOW" do not applies to any task given to me anymore. Even though most of the jobs are still new to me especially doing the website banner. I can't complaint much because this is definitely a new jobs that they just applied to their company, and most of the requirements have to be amended all the time to make sure it goes smoothly. I've accepted the job, and I believed this is what I have to overcome. The only thing is I have to set the priority upon the job given to me to make sure what deliver first and what can be done later on.

Love:
Starting of a relationship is always the sweetest moment where both parties can not live without each other. I am not being stereotyping here, but the moment of truth in the end will eventually become the ugly side of a relationship. However, now with Mr.S, well yes no more Mr.A, I know! I know!~ we have our own sweetest moment and I hope that it will last a moment there. With Mr.S is something that I never experiences before. He is a charmer and he is definitely a pure gentleman that I believe most do not conduct it anymore. In this 21st century, everyone is tight up upon the idea of fast and convenient. Therefore, a relationship also applies in that way that most couples like to have something quick to get in everything. Like for example, quick to get into a relationship, quick to get laid and quick to jump into the conclusion that they are in a long term relationship. Where are those slow pace relationship where there is still courtship, romance and understand each other. Being with Mr.S is like a relationship living in the island on a stream. We kisses everywhere and PDA in the public like we do not care who is in front of us anymore. Sometime we even think that we are living in our own delusion of paradise that we thought it is no longer in reality. In my mind set, this will one day be weight upon by our career, our family and our time. Sometime, the question of, "Is it worth it to do so by giving up upon something so delusional with our priority?". Living in this world will set us free upon the life of reality, that's for me, it is something that I would love to trade off. I am a dreamer and I always set my mind off into the creativity of story line to encrypted into the story of my life. I hope that my love life story will become a legend of its own that most people like to read upon and admired upon. But when it comes to priority, I will weight the urgency that depends on the situation given on my hand at that particular moment. When I think it is worthwhile of doing it so, I will take the opportunity no matter how the risk of priority of others may rest upon me. Sound like I'm being silly, but the other set of priority will be freed on the other day with another opportunity.

Life:
My life is like being separated into two part. A "Day time" me and a "Night time" me. Day time as in focusing on my career and try to get things done as soon as possible so that I have time left during the night for my relationship. To give up a few hours of beauty sleep just to gain the experienced of a piece of happiness that only lasted for five minutes is always the best thing that I ever done. I prioritize my life by living to the fullest and appreciate all the moment that was given upon to me.

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Definition

Everything and everyone is defined into different definitions. For example, I defined myself as a Casanova that only serve the purpose to serve and to give. Some might see it as a SLUT or a TRAMP. But to me, giving in that purposes does not mean it has no meaning of love contain inside. No matter in what position you are in, the intention of being in love or out of love, the essence of love still present. My Casanova version is a character that gives with the compassion of security and trust but does not make promises. This is a tricky one. I kept myself in love by giving the opponent the varieties of most human crave for, the compassion of keeping each other. In another term to define this is that all human being have the selfishness characteristic that hide beneath themselves. I always defined the world as a stage. It is a place that I have to act upon it and finish up with a bow that might not get the audience applause. I left the backstage and head on for another show to perform. This is how I categorized myself, or shall I say defining myself. In this world, there are different varieties of Casanova that perform in different type of stages. Some, keep promises to gain the feed of love but do not intend to stay in love. Some, make themselves as an item of love that need to be in possession of. Some, just lost in love, that always crave for something more from their love one. However what we define ourselves, come from our own definition to be oneself. Since there are so many varieties of Casanova, what will happen when both of "THE" Casanova fall in love with each other?

Job:
My workload had been lessen, thanks to my boss who is understanding. He decided to take the initiative to filter all my work given by the other department by reporting to him before passing on any jobs that might or might not be relevant to my scope of field. This is the most delighted news that I had received since all incidents that jumbled up together and bombarded onto my face. It will be even nicer if the proposal of hiring an intern to help me will be granted.

Love:
This topic today set me in the mood to be in neutral. I am neither in love nor out of love. But what I can define from this is to give and take. We gain something from every relationship and we eventually evolved from the lessons that we had learned. Some might still be in the circle of running out within the box that constrained them from learning. Frankly speaking, I am one of those that some lesson I still have not learn in upon. There are still so many more that I need to learn and I hope I will not be turning around the bush.

Life:
These few days my life has been very exhausting. The reason is not just because of the late night working overdue, but also the late night session of mediation in some certain area to get my mind out from all those misery. I am glad at one point because I felt very productive towards my life and not wasting any minutes and second. One of my dear friend once said, if you spend most of your time now, in the end you will have all the time that you want. This is how he define his life upon the time. As for me, life is something to be endured with unpredictable possibilities. Therefore, I always position myself in a spontaneous personalities and do my very best in every way I can.

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Trade off

Being in love is a bitter sweet surrender. I am near but yet so far from all the vanity of love. I thought everything suppose to be just the moment that pause in our life to enjoy. Alas, time will never stop at the peak point where you expected the most. Everything has a "trade-off", a term of someone once said to me. I totally agreed upon the definition of declaration of love that we need to trade off for something. I am not a perfect lady, I am not someone that are so special that gets all the luxury of love from anyone. When a betrayal had been breach upon the commitment that we had promised, everything just went tumbling off. Since when, the word "I LOVE YOU" become something that need to be a promises?

Job
This will be my fourth week. I can hear cash flipping around the corner. That's right, pay check day soon. But this is not the end of the point. The workload suddenly becoming more and more challenging and life seems to be so hectic and unpredictable. As a designer, we are a solver. We need to find the solution to deal with whatever is beyond our border. This is what I have been doing so far though this week, it seems to be very unproductive. I need to regroup myself into who I use to be and become stronger at one point to with stand all the obstacle. This is the trade off when it comes to work. TIME, YOUTH & RELATIONSHIP. I've included three of these even though all related back with time. YOUTH- facing the computer almost everyday is not a very good idea as well as the position while I am doing my work. All wrong! TIME- well duh, time itself is money, youth, pleasure and many more that you need to give up for. RELATIONSHIP- juggling with hectic life, since when we have the time to have a good time spending together?

Love
What we trade off for LOVE? MONEY, TIME, YOUTH, TRUST and our own PLEASURE. Being in love is fine as long as each companion scarifies something for the love one. Money to me is the biggest issue. A piece of advice, always pay equal share. Money to some might seems like very materialistic point of view where it should be separated from love. But to me, financially, we both have to share equally, in term of food, traveling and etc. Time, once again, you need to give up some of your time to make everything works well. It is not to say that one have to give up part of their life till that drastic, but just a simple 30mins will be good enough to let the others know how much it meant to him/her. Youth, is an issue especially for the woman like me. I'm heading to my 30s soon and the stereotyping idea of the general population love to criticize women who aren't married by that age and starting to JUDGE. Yes, I put it in upper caps to emphasize the urge of some women when it comes to that age will start to pressure their loves one to get married. To me, this is all a piece of crap. Would I marry just because I know I'm 30s and haven't found my soul mate yet? Do not jump into that situation just because everyone said it so. I do not believe in marriage at one point. But at a very minor of myself, I love to tell myself that I want a family to be raised and have a grand wedding to be proud of. After all, I'm still a woman that once a while become a girl who loves to day dream of fantasy.

Life
My life started to become more complicated. Why I'm saying so is because, I have too many thing to juggle at a same time. Love in particular. My separated life have becoming a burden that sometimes I felt like giving up the other side just to lessen the heavy load. This is the beauty of life, another term that once said by one of my closest friend. The varieties of it makes our life so complete. Without the other side, will actually tumble ourselves into a very monotonous life. However, isn't this what I said before a simple life? Which one is more desirable? Trade off again. We need to give up sometime at one point. But when will that be the final call? Time will prove everything.

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Memories

Memories are a part of us that remind us what we had done and experienced. I did had very unpleasant memories and wishing sometimes those memories can be erased. Yet, there are still some part of my memories that I would love to experience it again. Memories are a very funny thing, though it is just a vision that reminded us of what we had done, but some part of the emotional value still contained inside like a package that comes along hand in hand. Will our live be better with or without memories when it comes to something that is so unpleasant with emotional value intact? Will it be better off to make it as a lesson or better off without it at all by completely erasing it? To me, this is a difficult answer to implement it into different situation. For example, having your heart broken by somebody who isn't worth your time at all, will instead sometime reminded you of how sweet the time we had been together. So, in the end will it be better off in either way at all?

Job:
Third week in my job and I think I've started to feel fitting in. Maybe this might sound too early to predict, still I must say I just enjoy what I am doing now to remain it as a part of my good memory. Currently most of my jobs are to create a design layout for websites and doing lots of EDM. EDM the real term I've already forgotten, but it is a format where they send advertisement to peoples' email. Other than email, I've help to make correction from the previous banner and mostly our clients are from intel. Still doing some small potatoes work and I hope that I got the chance to meet some client one day to explore more in the servicing department.

Love:
With Mr.A, my life had completely change. Change for better or for worse, I have no prediction at all. But what I know is that I cherished every moment we spend together and make our own book of memories in our life. Now I felt like so securely protected by Mr.A muscular form but yet in some point I felt like a nanny or motherly figure that I must love and protect Mr.A from any harm. Though here it sounds complicated, but to me, having a love life with Mr.A is just like the song, 1234-I love you, by plain white-T, so simple and living in the world of the present. Is that what we call, "simplicity is always the best policy" when it comes to LOVE?

Life:
Nothing to expect and nothing to anticipate. My life just riding along where the wind takes me to. Some may think I am just drifting without any direction, but to me, life is not so complicated if you keep yourself to the minimal of simplicity. I love my life now, where I have lots of friends that care for me, a love one who always stand by me and family that always be there for me whenever I am down and in need. So what more can I ask for?

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